Image by Alex Kim.
Since we now know my parents, let’s talk about how they raised me.
Before we go any further, I would like to openly acknowledge that I was and still am very privileged in the fact that I grew up with two parents who were able to speak this country’s primary language.
There is a distinct memory I have.
I was in high school, and I was talking to a teacher. For some reason, we got on the topic of my parents.
The conversation went something along the lines of:
Teacher: “You’re involved in a lot of things. Did your parents make you join all these clubs?”
Me: “Um, not really. I think my mom wants me to quit Drama, actually.”
Teacher: “But she encourages you to do a lot. And she makes sure you get A’s.”
Me: “Yeah, I guess my parents are pretty strict.”
Teacher: “Yeah, your mom is a tiger mom.”
And that’s when I first heard it. That term.
Tiger mom.
Honestly, when I first heard it, I thought it was pretty badass. My teacher was calling my mom a tiger mom for making sure I did well in school.
And I was like, I guess my mom is pretty badass. Tiger mom. Cool mom.
It wasn’t until I looked up the definition of tiger mom when I realized the connotations.
Of course, the first place I went to was Urban Dictionary.
I was kind of taken aback by the idea that it was really only targeted towards Asian parents.
I did my research.
The term tiger mom was coined by Yale Law School professor Amy Chua.
In this book, she helped define the tiger parent as someone who makes sure their child strives to have the best academic standings and be involved in all the extracurriculars. But she made sure to emphasize that the parent was of Chinese/Asian descent.
Now, I would be lying if I said my parents didn’t send me to SAT prep school.
I would be lying if I said I didn’t wear baggy pants when I did something wrong (if you know, you know).
And I would be lying if I said I didn’t have a distinct memory of me crying in first grade when my dad told me I wasn’t allowed to see my school’s production of Oliver Twist until I fully memorized the multiplication table.
Now, did I make it to the play? Absolutely.
What is 6x7? 42.
But having my parents classified as tiger parents by non-Asian people just hits differently.
Like good for you Asians for being able to have your OWN TERM for parenting. But having other people call my parents “tiger parents,” or even more common, “Asian parents”, made it feel a little different.
It’d be weird.
I would be talking to my friends, and we would talk about how strict our parents were. I would say something like, “Oh yeah, my dad made me do the extra algebra practice.”
And another friend would say, “Oh that’s so Asian of your dad.”
I was kind of ashamed of it when I was a kid, having people call my family Asian for doing extra math problems.
Like “Ugh Dad, you’re so annoying for making sure I didn’t fail math.”
If I were to classify my parents, I don’t think I would classify them as Asian or tiger parents. I would just say they were good parents.
They made sure that I felt like I had to do my best. And if I felt like I did, then that was good enough.
So yeah, if the definition of being a tiger parent is someone who pushes their kid to be the best and most successful they can be, then SURE.
My parents are tiger parents.
Note: I say if you’re a parent wanting to do all the best things for your kids, you should be called a tiger parent. Or the animal of your choice. Because you’re badass.